Top 10 Questions About Gay Sex

Boyfriends and Bathhouses

Dear Mona Lisa,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months and things have been great. The other day, after sex, he suggested that we try having sex in a bathhouse. He likes the idea of others watching. It gives him an extra thrill.

I've never been to a bathhouse, however I perceive it as a place for gay men to have quick anonymous sex with random partners. While I'm not opposed to having others watch, I'm concerned about the temptation that surrounds you in that type of environment.

I want to please my boyfriend, but I find it hard not to be anxious about this idea. I'm worried about the potential impact on our relationship and by the implications of the suggestion itself. This is driving me crazy and I could really use some advice.

Anxious in L.A.

Dear Sunset Tan,

Your perception is dead on: Bathhouses are dens of anonymous sex, random partners, quick hookups and the more scary and not-so-anonymous STD. It sounds like your boyfriend is taking you on a clueless ride. You say "he's not easily tempted;" I say show me a man that can keep his cool surrounded by dozens of other naked men doing a whole bunch of naked things and I'll show you a 24-hour bathhouse that actually is just a spa. I'm not buying the statement that he has gone before and just watched; and I have a feeling neither do you.

Don't get me wrong; I'm far from a prude and do encourage couples to keep the spark alive by trying new and adventurous things, but there are so many other possibilities to fulfill your man's fantasies without introducing other people (which you've already said you are uncomfortable with) and opening yourselves up to the possibility of introducing a few incurable bugs... read more